The nominations are in , and now it is time to vote! For the past two weeks we have been asking our readers and listeners to nominate the worst Christmas song recordings of all time.
We like bad music at If You’re Like Me, because it gives us hope that if these songs can sell millions of copies, there is still hope for us who also have very little musical talent.
The nominees are listed below in no particular order. You can listen to the songs and also (where applicable) listen to what we had to say about the song on our podcast. After reviewing the nominees, please vote in our survey (link at the bottom of this post) ranking the songs from best to worst. The results will be published as the first annual TBTCOTM Christmas Music Playlist.
Last Christmas by Wham
A song that seems so inane and repetitive but really has a deeper meaning. So deep that I developed a flow chart.
Listen to us dissect this song
Santa Baby by Madonna
Nominated by Jenni Callahan
The concept of this recording is take a terrible song and have it made even worse with a bad Betty Boop impersonation.
Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Other than a reference to snow falling Christmas Eve, this could be any time of the year. Creepy Dan stalks an old friend at the grocery store. Do you think Dan Fogelberg writes a song about every trip he takes to the store?
Listen to us talk about this song
Silent Night by Garth Brooks
It’s a fine rendition of Silent Night, until Garth starts talking.
Listen to us react to Garth’s monologue and recite the Miracle of the Christmas Cream Cheese
Jingle Bell Rock by all singers
Nominated by Honathan Jyde
By what definition is this rock, and what do the lyrics mean?
Listen to us wonder about this song
Text Me Merry Christmas by Straight No Chaser and Kristen Bell
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Glenn says: “We can move Christmas Shoes to sad song category, but this new song is an abomination on so many levels. It’s also a song that’s only enjoyable for post 1990 millennials because it’s in millennial language.”
The Christmas Shoes by NewSong
Nominated by everybody
Nothing says Merry Christmas like dying mamas. So many questions: Why shoes? How did the kid get to the store? According to the last line of the song, God sent the boy to the store to remind the singer about what Christmas is all about. I didn’t know Christmas was about your mom dying.
Listen to us provide alternative lyrics to the Christmas Shoes
A Cherry Cherry Christmas by Neil Diamond
What could possibly be one of the worst Christmas album ever, the title track incorporates titles of Neil Diamond songs into a Christmas song. When you come into America and eat your Christmas Porcupine Pie, be thankful that there isn’t an open seat at your table, not even the chair.
The album ends with a word for word cover of Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song.
Listen to us choke on this song
White Christmas by Tiny Tim
The perfect song to play at your Christmas party when you want the guests to leave.
Listen to us have all we can take of this song.
White Christmas by America
Not to be outdone by Tiny Tim, America decides to set White Christmas to the tune of Tin Man.
Listen to Rome reminisce about the first time he heard this song
Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Oh No
Even though John named his son Julian, he must not use the Julian calendar. He thinks that the new year has already begun at Christmas. Plus off-tune children.
Listen to us talk about the mysteries of the Lennon calendar
Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney
Nominated by everybody.
Why is Paul having a wonderful Christmastime? Probably because this terrible song nets him $400,000/year.
Listen to us talk about this not so wonderful song.
Feliz Navidad by Kidz Bop
Proof that any song can be worse when sung by children.
What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas from the Star Wars Christmas Album
Nominated by Chris White
Chris says “this song is the inspiration for “Nothing Ever Happens on Mars” from WAITING FOR GUFFMAN.” The album also includes the first credited recording of Jon Bon Jovi in “R2-D2, We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”
Do They Know It’s Christmas? by Band Aid
Nominated by Bob Besco
Bob says “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” needs a bigger Band Aid for the wound caused by that confluence of egos. And the answer to the question is yes.
Billy’s Christmas Wish by Red Sovine
Nominated by Chris White
I think of Billy’s Christmas Wish as what happens to the Christmas Shoes kid five years later. This song takes it to a whole new level.
Listen to us ask “Why Billy?”
Take the survey
Now that you have heard the nominees, please vote by ranking these songs from best to worst in our survey.
