In this episode, we are glad to have cybersecurity expert Jeff Fossett back to help us be more secure. Topics discussed on this episode:
In dieser episode von “Fünf Minuten Kanone” ruft ein Psychopath Frank und Cannon an, um ihn davon abzuhalten, wieder zu töten, weil er sich nicht aufhalten kann. Wird Frank Cannon ihn aufhalten, bevor er wieder tötet?
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In this episode of “Five Minute Cannon,” a psychopath calls and hires Frank Cannon to stop him from killing again because he can’t stop himself. Will Frank Cannon stop him before he kills again?
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This week we are joined by cybersecurity expert Jeff Fossett and an occasionally barking dog to discuss cybersecurity–what does the WannaCry ransomware attack mean and what does Jeff do to protect himself online? While he’s here, he offers a spirited defense of his favorite band, Yellowcard.
Other topics discussed in this episode:
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or, The Attack of the Farm Boy.
Just in time for Quinn Martin’s 95th birthday, we present an extended version of Five Minute Cannon. Famous country singer Woody Long is dead. Was foul play involved?
With Clu Gulager as BJ Long, Joan Van Ark as Diane, and Mark Hamill in a rare pre-Star Wars role as “Farm Boy.”
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In this week’s episode, Joel hits a milestone by finally finding a hat the fits him, and we review our plans for future “Five Minute Cannon” episode.
Additional topics in this episode:
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If You’re Like Me proudly presents a new feature: Five Minute Cannon. You have a busy life, all you can find is five minutes. Well, why not fill that five minutes with a recap of a thrilling episode of Cannon?
In this episode, Barry Nelson, Lou Frizzell, and unmentioned guest star Shelley Duval. It’s a portly powered pummelling of the perpetrator.
If you’ve listened to If You’re Like Me for long, you know Rome’s distaste for Andy Griffith, and how Joel enjoys finding Griffithian connections to things that Rome loves. In this episode, we discuss the distinguished career of Dean Hargrove, who is responsible for some of Rome’s favorite television, as well as Ben Matlock, which places Ben Matlock firmly within the William Conrad/Perry Mason/Columbo universe.
We also talk about celebrity deaths during the month of March, Cannon’s fatal flaw, creepy stalking music, and gameshows.
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This episode was recorded on April Fool’s day 2017. In it, we react to the Atlanta interstate collapse, the great hail storm of 2017, and debate what we should do when the robots take over.
Other topics discussed in this episode:
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It was two years ago this week that we started If You’re Like Me. It’s been a great two years, and in this episode, we look back at some of the original episode topics. We also discuss:
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In this episode we discuss:
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It’s our inaugural episode of 2017. Since the Russians are now back as the villains in our news, we talk about our favorite Russian spies and villains. See if yours is on our list. Other topics in this week’s episode:
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Whether you are listening to this episode on Christmas Day (observed), Boxing Day (In Canada), or Proclamation Day, we wish you a very happy holiday, and on this episode, we present the traditional holiday greeting for your holiday.
We also discuss highlights in books and movies from this year (or which were new to us this year), and somehow get to a discussion of what happens if Superman sneezes.
So stoke up the yule log (just not too much, unless you are celebrating Russian Emergency Rescuer Day), grab a steaming cup of cider, and have a great holiday, whatever that holiday may be.
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We are back at Due South Coffee Roasters for another Americola fueled episode.
In this episode:
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It’s our annual Thanksgiving episode, and like last year, we list things for which we are thankful. That list does not include those terrible sappy Publix Thanksgiving commercials. This episode we are live at Due South Coffee Roasters in Taylors, South Carolina. If you are in the upstate of South Carolina, stop by Due South and have an Americola. You won’t regret it.
Other topics discussed on this episode:
Enjoy your turkey. You can have mine.
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It’s our fiftieth episode, but Joel is under the weather. So in his absence, Rome shares a selection from the original Frank Cannon novel, Murder by Gemini.
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This episode is guaranteed to protect you in a Martian attack, as Rome explains what Slim Whitman has to do with progressive rock.
Other topics discussed:
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In this episode:
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On Labor Day 2016, Rome Maynard’s house was desecrated with a vicious BizarroPorch attack. If you or anyone you know have any information that could lead to the apprehension of the perpetrators, email rome@ifyourelike.me.
Additional topics in this episode:
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It’s time for another episode of If You’re Like Me, also known as Joel and the Grumpy Old Man. This episode includes a free-wheeling discussion of the following topics:
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In this episode, Joel asks Rome a series of burning questions, we play “Trump or DF Jones,” and a curmudgeonly old man explains Pokemon Go.
Other topics discussed:
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In our latest episode:
In this episode:
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In this episode, Shawn Tabor from Mundanity Podcast joins us to debate Rome on some very important topics:
They don’t always see eye to eye, but the discussion has some surprises.
Also discussed on this episode:
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In this episode:
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In this episode:
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This week filmmaker Chris White joins us to talk about his short film anthology Unbecoming. Chris shares some great insight about what it is like to be a creator in the age of curation and comment, when everybody is a critic. I had the pleasure of attending the red carpet premier of Unbecoming in Tryon, North Carolina, and we are giving away two tickets for the Greenville premier of the movie in May. Just leave a comment on our blog or Facebook page to be included in the drawing.
Chris also discusses his experiences working on Star Trek Continues and writing Saturday Night Live reviews on Paste Magazine. How does being a filmmaker change his approach to being a critic? Is SNL really not as good as it used to be?
Other topics in this episode:
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In this episode we premier a new television drama, “Rome Maynard: On Call.” Will Rome answer the phone in time to save the doctor who forgot his email password? Find out tonight on “Rome Maynard: On Call.”
We also discuss audiobooks–do they count as “reading?” and the listening public challenges Rome to view the Netflix DareDevil series.
We talk about Chris White’s excellent new short film anthology Unbecoming. This film includes Michael Forest and Patti D’arbanville. Now both Joel and Rome have IMDB pages.
We wrap up with a mega Larry update. Last week was National Larry Day, so in Larry’s honor we unveil the new Larry Update Theme Song.
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Happy Daylight Saving Time. In this episode:
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It’s our podcast birthday! One year ago we set out on a mission to help others be more like us. Given the exploding popularity of Frank Cannon and Johnny Cash, it must be working.
In this episode we look back at the highs and lows of the first year of our podcast, Joel reviews 1949’s Chubby Batman and Middle-Aged Robin.
Rome reviews season one of CW’s The Flash. He explains why Harrison Wells may be his favorite television super villain.
We end the show with Joel giving Rome his annual performance review.
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This episode marks the end of our first year of podcasting. In this Colossal episode:
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This week we endorse our friends on LinkedIn, we talk about William Shatner, Rome guesses (incorrectly) the top earning celebrities, we review our challenges from episode 33, and we challenge each other with new assignments. Other topics:
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The recent death of Bob Elliott from Bob & Ray reminded me of my favorite Bob & Ray sketch. Just Fancy Dan, The Barber of Hartsdale.
We’re all mighty grateful for what you done.
This episode was recorded during the great snowstorm of 2016.
We recap our assignments from last episode, and give each other new assignments. Joel’s assignment is to listen to the Alan Parson’s Project Tales of Mystery and Imagination: Edgar Alan Poe. Rome’s assignment is to partake of a delicious Mac and Cheese Taquito at QuikTrip.
We also pay our respects to the many famous people who have died since our last podcast:
The death of David Bowie and Glenn Frey paint an interesting contrast between the critically acclaimed and the popular. We discuss if this applies to other areas of life.
For this week’s television recommendation, Rome recommends a return to the Metropolis of the 1950’s Adventures of Superman. a time of Truth, Justice, the American Way, and chubby superheroes.
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In this episode, Rome gives us a recommendation for a good episode of Kojak to get you through the dreary days of January. We review recommendations for actors to portray Kojak in a remake. Other topics:
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During episode 31, Rome mentioned that there weren’t any actors alive today who was qualified to play Kojak. That got me thinking: What if Kojak was filmed ten years earlier and instead of Telly Savalas, Kojak was portrayed by one of the stars of the Andy Griffith Show?
It’s New Year’s Eve, and you probably want to know how to ring in the new year if you’re like us. In this episode, find out the best way to celebrate the new year. Topics discussed on this episode:
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It was not a Dan Fogelberg week on If You’re Like Me. Topics discussed this week:
Please take time to vote in our TBTCOOM terrible Christmas song poll. “Wonderful Christmas Time” is doing better than expected so far.
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The nominations are in , and now it is time to vote! For the past two weeks we have been asking our readers and listeners to nominate the worst Christmas song recordings of all time.
We like bad music at If You’re Like Me, because it gives us hope that if these songs can sell millions of copies, there is still hope for us who also have very little musical talent.
The nominees are listed below in no particular order. You can listen to the songs and also (where applicable) listen to what we had to say about the song on our podcast. After reviewing the nominees, please vote in our survey (link at the bottom of this post) ranking the songs from best to worst. The results will be published as the first annual TBTCOTM Christmas Music Playlist.
A song that seems so inane and repetitive but really has a deeper meaning. So deep that I developed a flow chart.
Nominated by Jenni Callahan
The concept of this recording is take a terrible song and have it made even worse with a bad Betty Boop impersonation.
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Other than a reference to snow falling Christmas Eve, this could be any time of the year. Creepy Dan stalks an old friend at the grocery store. Do you think Dan Fogelberg writes a song about every trip he takes to the store?
Listen to us talk about this song
It’s a fine rendition of Silent Night, until Garth starts talking.
Listen to us react to Garth’s monologue and recite the Miracle of the Christmas Cream Cheese
Nominated by Honathan Jyde
By what definition is this rock, and what do the lyrics mean?
Listen to us wonder about this song
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Glenn says: “We can move Christmas Shoes to sad song category, but this new song is an abomination on so many levels. It’s also a song that’s only enjoyable for post 1990 millennials because it’s in millennial language.”
Nominated by everybody
Nothing says Merry Christmas like dying mamas. So many questions: Why shoes? How did the kid get to the store? According to the last line of the song, God sent the boy to the store to remind the singer about what Christmas is all about. I didn’t know Christmas was about your mom dying.
Listen to us provide alternative lyrics to the Christmas Shoes
What could possibly be one of the worst Christmas album ever, the title track incorporates titles of Neil Diamond songs into a Christmas song. When you come into America and eat your Christmas Porcupine Pie, be thankful that there isn’t an open seat at your table, not even the chair.
The album ends with a word for word cover of Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song.
Listen to us choke on this song
The perfect song to play at your Christmas party when you want the guests to leave.
Not to be outdone by Tiny Tim, America decides to set White Christmas to the tune of Tin Man.
Even though John named his son Julian, he must not use the Julian calendar. He thinks that the new year has already begun at Christmas. Plus off-tune children.
Nominated by everybody.
Why is Paul having a wonderful Christmastime? Probably because this terrible song nets him $400,000/year.
Listen to us talk about this not so wonderful song.
Proof that any song can be worse when sung by children.
Nominated by Chris White
Chris says “this song is the inspiration for “Nothing Ever Happens on Mars” from WAITING FOR GUFFMAN.” The album also includes the first credited recording of Jon Bon Jovi in “R2-D2, We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”
Nominated by Bob Besco
Bob says “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” needs a bigger Band Aid for the wound caused by that confluence of egos. And the answer to the question is yes.
Nominated by Chris White
I think of Billy’s Christmas Wish as what happens to the Christmas Shoes kid five years later. This song takes it to a whole new level.
Listen to us ask “Why Billy?”
Now that you have heard the nominees, please vote by ranking these songs from best to worst in our survey.
Rome delivers a field report from Ohucky, and we continue to review nominations for our terrible Christmas song playlist. Special Guest Honathan Jyde joins us to rock the night away in the frosty air. We discuss:
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It’s Thanksgiving, and if there is one word that sums up IYLM, it is “thankful.” On this episode we list items for which we are thankful. Joel gives a defense of mediocre music, Rome is wrong about Willie Nelson, and we introduce the first five nominees for our terrible Christmas song playlist.
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In our next episode we discuss bad/mediocre music, and I raise a defense of the mediocre musicians of the world. In this post I want to more thoroughly expand my thoughts on the topic.
This is not to say that I’m a fan of the musicians named in the post, or that some music is not definitively better than others. But if your musical tastes makes you look down on others who may not share the same taste as you, then it is a bad thing.
In episode 27, Rome reviews the Manos: the Hands of Fate Blu-Ray disk, we complain about people who complain about their flights being cancelled, talk Star Wars and what it has to do with Cannon and Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, get a travelogue of Joel’s recent travels, Tim Tams, and whether or not Rome is going through death’s door. Plus, Santo movies.
“Spangler employees also annually churn out thousands of pounds of Circus Peanuts.”
This week:
All that and an exciting give away contest.
This week on If You’re Like Me: We review “The Martian” in a fairly spoiler free manner, discuss naming idea’s for Joel’s new river, ask the question “where are the raisins,” and give you some ideas of pranks to play on your coworkers.
Topics discussed this week:
It’s a “better late than never” episode, where we are joined by special guest Honathan Jyde to debate the darker side of Andy Griffith, we recount pant emergencies, complain about the early election cycle, and talk about adventures in Ebay. Grab a pair of backup pants or a stapler and give it a listen.
In Episode 22 we discuss man caves vs. woman caves (AKA the rest of the house), the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), and we dissect the creeptastic musical stylings of Porter Wagoner.
We’ve been gone for a couple of weeks, so we are back with an extended episode. This week Rome explains some confusing song lyrics, we talk about George Reeves and getting typecast. Do you ever feel typecast? If you are like us, you do.
We debate if Rome is getting old given his old man glass collecting tendencies, and Joel relates some moderately humorous stories of selling copiers in Western North Carolina.
