In this episode we are joined by cybersecurity expert Jeff Fossett and walking horse expert Holly Fleming. They join us to celebrate Rome Maynard’s cumpleaños and announce that If You’re Like Me is the official podcast of #HollyJollyWedding.
It’s autumn in the US, and that means two things: Rome Maynard’s birthmonth and the return of the pumpkin spiced everything. Today we have a fun conversation about:
Welcome to another episode of Rome Maynard: On call. This week we have dying country music singers, Ohio city signs, and a discussion of why cities that end in “-ville” nickname themselves “vegas.”
Other topics discussed in this episode:
Musicians that Joel sees in concert are dying
Joel review of Jason Isbell concert in Akron, OH
Ohio town signs
Rome Maynard for Lt. Gov.
Rome’s trip to Ohucky
Knoxville sunsphere
Why do towns that end in -ville nickname themselves “vegas?”
Larry update
Parenting advice: should I let my child get a snake?
This week we are preparing for our upcoming total solar eclipse. If you’re like us, you will protect your vision during the eclipse, and listen to this exciting episode. Some of the topics discussed on this episode:
Joel’s business idea
Notable deaths: June Foray and Martin Landau
Rome’s rifling problem
Amazon item of the week
Larry update
The highlight of Rome’s summer
Duct tape
Kojak, the lp
Inventorying collections
Rome’s non-NASCAR trip to Bristol
Office supply stores
Bluetooth cell phone headsets
CVS receipts
If bad guys should come to your town, just call Rome the rifleman. He doesn’t have a rifle, but he will rifle through your desk drawers.
In dieser episode von “Fünf Minuten Kanone” ruft ein Psychopath Frank und Cannon an, um ihn davon abzuhalten, wieder zu töten, weil er sich nicht aufhalten kann. Wird Frank Cannon ihn aufhalten, bevor er wieder tötet?
In this episode of “Five Minute Cannon,” a psychopath calls and hires Frank Cannon to stop him from killing again because he can’t stop himself. Will Frank Cannon stop him before he kills again?
This week we are joined by cybersecurity expert Jeff Fossett and an occasionally barking dog to discuss cybersecurity–what does the WannaCry ransomware attack mean and what does Jeff do to protect himself online? While he’s here, he offers a spirited defense of his favorite band, Yellowcard.
Just in time for Quinn Martin’s 95th birthday, we present an extended version of Five Minute Cannon. Famous country singer Woody Long is dead. Was foul play involved?
With Clu Gulager as BJ Long, Joan Van Ark as Diane, and Mark Hamill in a rare pre-Star Wars role as “Farm Boy.”
If You’re Like Me proudly presents a new feature: Five Minute Cannon. You have a busy life, all you can find is five minutes. Well, why not fill that five minutes with a recap of a thrilling episode of Cannon?
In this episode, Barry Nelson, Lou Frizzell, and unmentioned guest star Shelley Duval. It’s a portly powered pummelling of the perpetrator.
If you’ve listened to If You’re Like Me for long, you know Rome’s distaste for Andy Griffith, and how Joel enjoys finding Griffithian connections to things that Rome loves. In this episode, we discuss the distinguished career of Dean Hargrove, who is responsible for some of Rome’s favorite television, as well as Ben Matlock, which places Ben Matlock firmly within the William Conrad/Perry Mason/Columbo universe.
We also talk about celebrity deaths during the month of March, Cannon’s fatal flaw, creepy stalking music, and gameshows.
This episode was recorded on April Fool’s day 2017. In it, we react to the Atlanta interstate collapse, the great hail storm of 2017, and debate what we should do when the robots take over.
It was two years ago this week that we started If You’re Like Me. It’s been a great two years, and in this episode, we look back at some of the original episode topics. We also discuss:
It’s our inaugural episode of 2017. Since the Russians are now back as the villains in our news, we talk about our favorite Russian spies and villains. See if yours is on our list. Other topics in this week’s episode:
Whether you are listening to this episode on Christmas Day (observed), Boxing Day (In Canada), or Proclamation Day, we wish you a very happy holiday, and on this episode, we present the traditional holiday greeting for your holiday.
We also discuss highlights in books and movies from this year (or which were new to us this year), and somehow get to a discussion of what happens if Superman sneezes.
So stoke up the yule log (just not too much, unless you are celebrating Russian Emergency Rescuer Day), grab a steaming cup of cider, and have a great holiday, whatever that holiday may be.
It’s our annual Thanksgiving episode, and like last year, we list things for which we are thankful. That list does not include those terrible sappy Publix Thanksgiving commercials. This episode we are live at Due South Coffee Roasters in Taylors, South Carolina. If you are in the upstate of South Carolina, stop by Due South and have an Americola. You won’t regret it.
Other topics discussed on this episode:
Turkey, and why would anyone ever want to eat it
Review of the new McGyver series
Dr. Who, The Power of the Daleks
What happens next in Cannon: Murder by Gemini
Frankenstein, and what does he have to do with PBS’ Rick Steves
It’s our fiftieth episode, but Joel is under the weather. So in his absence, Rome shares a selection from the original Frank Cannon novel, Murder by Gemini.
On Labor Day 2016, Rome Maynard’s house was desecrated with a vicious BizarroPorch attack. If you or anyone you know have any information that could lead to the apprehension of the perpetrators, email rome@ifyourelike.me.
It’s time for another episode of If You’re Like Me, also known as Joel and the Grumpy Old Man. This episode includes a free-wheeling discussion of the following topics:
This week filmmaker Chris White joins us to talk about his short film anthology Unbecoming. Chris shares some great insight about what it is like to be a creator in the age of curation and comment, when everybody is a critic. I had the pleasure of attending the red carpet premier of Unbecoming in Tryon, North Carolina, and we are giving away two tickets for the Greenville premier of the movie in May. Just leave a comment on our blog or Facebook page to be included in the drawing.
In this episode we premier a new television drama, “Rome Maynard: On Call.” Will Rome answer the phone in time to save the doctor who forgot his email password? Find out tonight on “Rome Maynard: On Call.”
We also discuss audiobooks–do they count as “reading?” and the listening public challenges Rome to view the Netflix DareDevil series.
It’s our podcast birthday! One year ago we set out on a mission to help others be more like us. Given the exploding popularity of Frank Cannon and Johnny Cash, it must be working.
In this episode we look back at the highs and lows of the first year of our podcast, Joel reviews 1949’s Chubby Batman and Middle-Aged Robin.
Rome reviews season one of CW’s The Flash. He explains why Harrison Wells may be his favorite television super villain.
We end the show with Joel giving Rome his annual performance review.
This week we endorse our friends on LinkedIn, we talk about William Shatner, Rome guesses (incorrectly) the top earning celebrities, we review our challenges from episode 33, and we challenge each other with new assignments. Other topics:
Smallcreep’s Day
William Conrad’s Valentine Day gift suggestions
Rome reviews the thrilling Cannon episode “A flight of hawks”
We also pay our respects to the many famous people who have died since our last podcast:
David Bowie
Natalie Cole
Glenn Frey of the Eagles
Dan Haggerty, not of the Eagles
Alan Rickman
The death of David Bowie and Glenn Frey paint an interesting contrast between the critically acclaimed and the popular. We discuss if this applies to other areas of life.
For this week’s television recommendation, Rome recommends a return to the Metropolis of the 1950’s Adventures of Superman. a time of Truth, Justice, the American Way, and chubby superheroes.
In this episode, Rome gives us a recommendation for a good episode of Kojak to get you through the dreary days of January. We review recommendations for actors to portray Kojak in a remake. Other topics:
During episode 31, Rome mentioned that there weren’t any actors alive today who was qualified to play Kojak. That got me thinking: What if Kojak was filmed ten years earlier and instead of Telly Savalas, Kojak was portrayed by one of the stars of the Andy Griffith Show?
It’s New Year’s Eve, and you probably want to know how to ring in the new year if you’re like us. In this episode, find out the best way to celebrate the new year. Topics discussed on this episode:
The best Christmas presents that Rome received in 2015
The nominations are in , and now it is time to vote! For the past two weeks we have been asking our readers and listeners to nominate the worst Christmas song recordings of all time.
We like bad music at If You’re Like Me, because it gives us hope that if these songs can sell millions of copies, there is still hope for us who also have very little musical talent.
The nominees are listed below in no particular order. You can listen to the songs and also (where applicable) listen to what we had to say about the song on our podcast. After reviewing the nominees, please vote in our survey (link at the bottom of this post) ranking the songs from best to worst. The results will be published as the first annual TBTCOTM Christmas Music Playlist.
Last Christmas by Wham
A song that seems so inane and repetitive but really has a deeper meaning. So deep that I developed a flow chart.
Listen to us dissect this song
Santa Baby by Madonna
Nominated by Jenni Callahan
The concept of this recording is take a terrible song and have it made even worse with a bad Betty Boop impersonation.
Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Other than a reference to snow falling Christmas Eve, this could be any time of the year. Creepy Dan stalks an old friend at the grocery store. Do you think Dan Fogelberg writes a song about every trip he takes to the store?
Listen to us talk about this song
Silent Night by Garth Brooks
It’s a fine rendition of Silent Night, until Garth starts talking.
Listen to us react to Garth’s monologue and recite the Miracle of the Christmas Cream Cheese
Jingle Bell Rock by all singers
Nominated by Honathan Jyde
By what definition is this rock, and what do the lyrics mean?
Listen to us wonder about this song
Text Me Merry Christmas by Straight No Chaser and Kristen Bell
Nominated by Glenn Allison
Glenn says: “We can move Christmas Shoes to sad song category, but this new song is an abomination on so many levels. It’s also a song that’s only enjoyable for post 1990 millennials because it’s in millennial language.”
The Christmas Shoes by NewSong
Nominated by everybody
Nothing says Merry Christmas like dying mamas. So many questions: Why shoes? How did the kid get to the store? According to the last line of the song, God sent the boy to the store to remind the singer about what Christmas is all about. I didn’t know Christmas was about your mom dying.
Listen to us provide alternative lyrics to the Christmas Shoes
A Cherry Cherry Christmas by Neil Diamond
What could possibly be one of the worst Christmas album ever, the title track incorporates titles of Neil Diamond songs into a Christmas song. When you come into America and eat your Christmas Porcupine Pie, be thankful that there isn’t an open seat at your table, not even the chair.
The album ends with a word for word cover of Adam Sandler’s Chanukah Song.
Listen to us choke on this song
White Christmas by Tiny Tim
The perfect song to play at your Christmas party when you want the guests to leave.
Listen to us have all we can take of this song.
White Christmas by America
Not to be outdone by Tiny Tim, America decides to set White Christmas to the tune of Tin Man.
Listen to Rome reminisce about the first time he heard this song
Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Oh No
Even though John named his son Julian, he must not use the Julian calendar. He thinks that the new year has already begun at Christmas. Plus off-tune children.
Listen to us talk about the mysteries of the Lennon calendar
Listen to us talk about this not so wonderful song.
Feliz Navidad by Kidz Bop
Proof that any song can be worse when sung by children.
What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas from the Star Wars Christmas Album
Nominated by Chris White
Chris says “this song is the inspiration for “Nothing Ever Happens on Mars” from WAITING FOR GUFFMAN.” The album also includes the first credited recording of Jon Bon Jovi in “R2-D2, We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”
Do They Know It’s Christmas? by Band Aid
Nominated by Bob Besco
Bob says “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” needs a bigger Band Aid for the wound caused by that confluence of egos. And the answer to the question is yes.
Billy’s Christmas Wish by Red Sovine
Nominated by Chris White
I think of Billy’s Christmas Wish as what happens to the Christmas Shoes kid five years later. This song takes it to a whole new level.
Rome delivers a field report from Ohucky, and we continue to review nominations for our terrible Christmas song playlist. Special Guest Honathan Jyde joins us to rock the night away in the frosty air. We discuss:
It’s Thanksgiving, and if there is one word that sums up IYLM, it is “thankful.” On this episode we list items for which we are thankful. Joel gives a defense of mediocre music, Rome is wrong about Willie Nelson, and we introduce the first five nominees for our terrible Christmas song playlist.
In our next episode we discuss bad/mediocre music, and I raise a defense of the mediocre musicians of the world. In this post I want to more thoroughly expand my thoughts on the topic.
Much of the music praised by critics in its day is now forgotten, yet mediocre musicians live on in infamy. Somebody will still be singing a John Denver song. long after today’s band d’jour has been forgotten.
Even the worst popular musician is probably a better singer than you are. Despite how much you think that Nickelback’s Rockstar sucks, the lead singer of Nickelback can probably carry a tune better than you can. What does that say about you?
Everything is derivative of something. Watch “Everything Is A Remix.” Before slamming a musician you despise about being too derivative of another band, consider that nothing is truly original. Elvis was remixing African American musicians of his day, Johnny Cash was singing Jimmie Rodgers, and the Beatles repackaged Chuck Berry and Buck Owens. Some do it better than others, but being derivative of someone else’s work is a common thread across all types of music.
The internet, social media, and review sites such as Amazon have turned everybody into a music critic. This means that snobbery and elitism are not just for the wealthy anymore. You can be a broke college student and feel like you are better than the “commoners” that like Garth Brooks music.
Much of the music that is despised by wanna-be music critics is successful because it appeals to populations not in the target demographic of the music industry. Popular music is designed to focus on what is new and young. Many musicians considered lame now used to be in that category (looking at you Neil Diamond, Kenny Rogers, and Lionel Richie).If you travel to areas like the midwest or rural Alabama, you will find billboards for concerts for bands that you thought stopped performing years ago. If you live in a town that nobody includes in the sentence “I want to go to ___________ for vacation,” you most likely cannot relate to what is considered cool music these days. A musician that plays a song to which you can sing along is in context a better musician than what some music snob says is good.
This is not to say that I’m a fan of the musicians named in the post, or that some music is not definitively better than others. But if your musical tastes makes you look down on others who may not share the same taste as you, then it is a bad thing.
In episode 27, Rome reviews the Manos: the Hands of Fate Blu-Ray disk, we complain about people who complain about their flights being cancelled, talk Star Wars and what it has to do with Cannon and Rod Serling’s Night Gallery, get a travelogue of Joel’s recent travels, Tim Tams, and whether or not Rome is going through death’s door. Plus, Santo movies.
The nominations are in , and now it is time to vote! For the past two weeks we have been asking our readers and listeners to nominate the worst Christmas song recordings of all time.
If You're Like Me . . . 
